The Silmarillion IV

 (QUENTA SILMARILLION: OF BEREN AND LÚTHIEN, OF THE FIFTH BATTLE: NIRNAETH ARNOEDIAD, OF TÚRIN TURAMBAR)

We were planning to include the next chapter in this review but changed our minds. This means the next one is going to be bad for the hidden magical Elven cities. Before we go on, here are the links to the previous reviews: The Silmarillion I, The Silmarillion II, The Silmarillion III. Warning: SPOILERS.

We were eagerly waiting for Chapter 19: Of Beren and Lúthien. Though this is our first time reading The Silmarillion, we had heard about this story and had high hopes for it, especially because it involved Doriath and Thingol. So, vegan warrior Beren becomes the terror of the Orcs after they kill his father and his companions. He’s so scary that the Orcs ignore Morgoth’s orders to capture him and instead run in the opposite direction of his given whereabouts. Well, that is a testament to Beren’s badassery, but it feels a bit weird that Morgoth wouldn’t have full control over his servants. After much Orc fighting, Beren manages to find his way into Doriath for… reasons. It’s fate and Melian had already predicted to Galadriel in Chapter 17 that someone from the House of Bëor would find his way there. This of course begs the question of why the hell didn’t she talk to Thingol about it. On the other hand, if he had been human-friendly, he wouldn’t have sent Beren on his doomed quest, so… Anyway, our vegan hero enters the hidden kingdom and comes across Lúthien, Thingol and Melian’s daughter, dancing and singing. It’s love at first sight, much like with her parents, though thankfully, Tolkien let the two lovebirds actually spend time together before everyone finds out. Sure, he didn’t write what they talked about, but at least they got to know each other. The fact that Beren was already familiar with Elven culture probably helped.

Thingol isn’t happy when he learns of what’s been going on but Lúthien is no dummy and has him promise he won’t kill or harm Beren, whom she presents to the court as an honoured guest. Unfortunately for them, Thingol is not only one of those parents who think no one is good enough for their children, but he’s also creative. The price for his daughter’s hand? A silmaril. Beren accepts because he doesn’t know what that is and even after Finrod explains how dangerous it is, he refuses to give up. And then they’re immediately captured by Sauron after he beats Finrod in a singing battle (fine, a magical singing battle). Meanwhile, Thingol locked up Lúthien in a treehouse, so she wouldn’t follow Beren. What he didn’t count on was her using her magic to grow her hair, make a magical cloak and a rope with it, and escaping. That’s a lot of hair. Her plans are thwarted by two of Fëanor’s sons, Celegorn and Curufin, because Fëanor’s sons suck. Celegorn is even stupid enough to think Thingol would ever accept him marrying Lúthien. That’s not going to happen. In fact, Thingol is willing to raise an army to kick their collective ass to stop it. Except, Lúthien manages to escape, again, with the help of Celegorn’s magical dog, Huan. She gets to where Sauron is keeping Beren and beats him in another singing battle. Finrod had already died protecting his human friend, but there are other prisoners, who, after returning home, tell everyone what happened, which is pretty embarrassing for Celegorn and Curufin, as they had convinced the other Elves not to help Finrod because it was too dangerous. Unfortunately, that’s not the last we’ll see of the sons of Fëanor, who have one last encounter with Beren and Lúthien. This ends with the brothers running away, chased by Celegorn’s own dog, who then switches sides for good. Of course, Beren tries to leave Lúthien behind even after she told him she would share his fate. And of course, she follows him. There really was no need for that. Once in Morgoth’s evil lair, Lúthien’s hotness distracts him, and she manages to put a temporary spell on everyone. Victory! Actually, no. The spell doesn’t last long enough, and the werewolf Carcharoth corners them. Silly Beren decides to wave the silmaril in front of him and the werewolf eats it, hand and all. Dumb move, Beren. The Eagles’ timing remains impeccable, and they take the unhappy couple to safety. The Eagles’ sudden appearances are starting to feel a bit like cheating. (Put your characters in an impossible situation and you have no idea how to get them out of it? Just send the Eagles)

After Beren nearly dies from his wounds, they just wander the forests and Lúthien wouldn’t mind never going back home. It’s Beren that convinces her to go back, because he doesn’t think he can just take her from her father. Sure, that whole child as property of the parent thing is problematic, but the fact that she never says anything about warning her family (which isn’t just Thingol) that she’s alright, makes her look like an asshole. The Elves may be able to see farther, but it’s clear that no one knows where she is. Unless Melian does and she’s not sharing that information? Really, why is Melian practically absent from this chapter? We were hoping for more character development for her, but instead she’s barely there. So, they go back and Beren gets sassy with Thingol by pointing out that there is a silmaril on his hand which is currently inside a crazed werewolf. It works and the two lovebirds can finally marry. Everything is fine until they decide to hunt Carcharoth, who’s getting closer to Doriath. Beren is fatally wounded protecting Thingol and Huan dies trying to save Beren. The werewolf is killed and the silmaril recovered. And it’s still not the end. Lúthien’s spirit leaves her body and goes all the way to Mandos, to beg for Beren’s life. Oh, great, it’s Manwë again. Lúthien refuses his offer to stay in Valinor and instead chooses to return to Middle Earth with Beren as a mortal, making her the only Elf to have ever truly died.

That was eventful. Sadly, it also read as a synopsis. Lúthien gets to do a lot, but her personality didn’t go beyond her dedication to Beren. At least we got more of him outside of their relationship, which is good. Finrod’s death was too quick, and we didn’t even get Galadriel’s reaction to it. Huan was a good magical beast, straight out of Celtic mythology. That treacherous idiots like Celegorn and Curufin are allowed to go around messing things up has got to be the most unbelievable thing in this entire book. Also, we don’t get why the conclusion to this story is in the next chapter. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to put everything here?

In Chapter 20: Of the Fifth Battle: Nirnaeth Arnoediad, we get more epic Tolkien. Emboldened by Beren and Lúthien’s victories against Morgoth, Maedhros, Faënor’s least sucky son, decides to raise an army and rid the Middle Earth of him and his evil once and for all. But first, the real ending of Beren and Lúthien:

They return (how?) and Lúthien cures Thingol’s depression before leaving to parts unknown with Beren. Melian’s great pain at losing her daughter would’ve meant more if she were a better developed character or we had seen them interact. Despite Beren and Lúthien’s living dead status, they’ll have a son, Dior Aranel, aka Dior Eluchíl, Thingol’s heir. And that’s pretty much it and has no direct connection to what comes next.

Thanks to the (fully deserved) bad reputation of the sons of Fëanor, Maedhros has trouble raising his army. That he, along with his brothers (who, may we remind you, kidnapped Thingol’s daughter), rudely demand that the ruler of Doriath (whose relatives, in case you forgot, were killed by their father on his way to Middle Earth) return the silmaril certainly didn’t help him get more allies. However, he has the Dwarves on his side and a few Men, including some of Morgoth’s secret allies. The scale of the armies is, like we wrote earlier, epic, but there’s nothing as big as the Fingolfin/Morgoth duel from Chapter 18. Turgon’s surprise arrival is pretty amazing, though, even if everyone’s marching to a massive defeat. The human traitors delaying Maedhros may be necessary to the plot, but it’s hard to imagine how it could’ve worked for so long. The fact that we don’t really know these traitors, seen them interact with Maedhros, and Tolkien never bothered to write those scenes doesn’t help.

Fingon’s one-on-one fight with the main Balrog, Gothmog, ended too quickly and had no memorable moments. By the way, it’s always weird to read about Balrogs holding whips and axes because the image we have in our heads is of that dragon-like creature from The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring movie. Fingon may be important, but the last big thing he did was reach out to Fëanor’s sons and release Maedhros back in Chapter 13. And of course, we barely know anything about him other than he became the new High King of the Noldor after his father’s death. Some other rushed moments include the Dwarves’ fight and the resolution to the Easterling betrayal, which sees Uldor and his sons killed in battle.

The main battle is followed by a quick aftermath in which Morgoth causes more death and ruin and cheats his human allies from the rewards he had promised them. In a very short paragraph, we learn that Turgon tried, and failed, to send ships to the west. Shouldn’t this have taken a bit longer? Tolkien does manage a good ending, though: Morgoth torments Húrin, cursing him, his wife, and all their descendants, and forcing him to watch as he brings suffering to Middle Earth; and the Orcs make a big pile with the corpses of all the fallen warriors to taunt the survivors.

Really, the biggest problem we had with this chapter is the same one we had with Chapter 18: we barely know any of these people. There were Turgon and Maeglin, and that’s pretty much it. Yes, we had read some of these names before, but that’s all they are – names. And Tolkien did nothing to make them stand out, except maybe Húrin.

Chapter 21: Of Túrin Turambar holds the dubious honour of having the worst character so far – Túrin himself. Like Of Beren and Lúthien, it reads as a (very long) synopsis, and it also features a lot of travelling. However, unlike that other chapter, it doesn’t have a well-defined plot and a small cast of characters, most of which we had already met. Túrin is Húrin’s son and his mother, Morwen, is related to Beren, which is why she sends her son to Doriath after the Easterlings take over her land in the aftermath of Nirnaeth Arnoediad. Thingol ends up adopting Túrin (why?) because he likes humans now (see, character development!), and he benefits from a privileged upbringing, only marred by his worries about his mother, who had been pregnant when he left. She gives birth to a daughter, Nienor, and refuses to leave her home and join her son in the safety of Doriath due to sentimental reasons. Is her utter stupidity part of Morgoth’s curse? Túrin becomes friends with Beleg, but clashes with Saeros, who dies after attacking him. While his death wasn’t Túrin’s fault, he runs away, thinking no one will believe him. Even though there were witnesses who saw it was an accident. And he’s the adoptive son of the king. And his mother is related to the king’s son-in-law. Clearly, utter stupidity runs in the family. Or maybe Túrin and his mother are just drama queens. Naturally, Thingol forgives him after hearing all the facts.

After unnecessarily leaving Doriath, he joins a gang of outlaws and ends up becoming their leader. We’re not told how many people they rob and kill before Beleg shows up looking for him and Túrin finally feels ashamed for all he did. Of course, Túrin is too proud to accept the king’s forgiveness. The fact that he’s an actual criminal now and should be tried for his crimes is never mentioned. He does warn Beleg about the Orcs’ exploring near Doriath, so he’s not entirely useless. Thingol doesn’t understand his decision, probably because it makes no sense. It’s also unclear whether he knows about the outlaw business. Beleg gets permission to return to Túrin and try to help him overcome this negative phase of his life. He gets to choose a sword, Anglachel, which was made by Eöl (remember him?), and Melian gives him some special Elven bread, lembas, which she says he can share with Túrin. This is a really big deal, because this is the first time a Man would be allowed to eat them. She also warns him about the evil sword, but he keeps it anyway. While Beleg is praising his friend and minimising his illegal activities, Túrin and his gang are attacking a trio of Dwarves. They capture one and shoot an arrow at the others. After Mîm, the captured Dwarf, offers to take them to his secret halls in exchange of his life, Túrin accepts, and they follow him. Once they get there, they find out the arrow killed one of Mîm’s sons. Túrin is really sorry and somehow, his words impress the guy whose son was murdered by one of his men just because they ran away. There was no real reason for the attack, and it cost Mîm one of his sons. How can Tolkien expect readers to believe that he and Túrin could become friends? This isn’t something that could be resolved by adding more words – this is something that just doesn’t make any sense in this world of blood feuds, oaths, and revenge. When Beleg shows up to join his friend, Mîm isn’t happy because his people, known as Petty-dwarves, had at first been killed by the Middle Earth Elves, who didn’t know what they were, and then kicked out of their homes by the newly arrived Noldor. Túrin doesn’t notice this because he’s so happy to have his Elf bestie back that he totally forgot about his new Dwarf friend. Meanwhile, the Orcs keep getting closer until one day, they capture Mîm and his surviving son. Mîm offers to lead them to his hidden home in exchange for their lives and he also makes them promise not to kill Túrin, who gets captured, unlike his fellow criminals. However, this time the Orcs didn’t stop for a snack because Beleg turns out to still be alive (and in one piece) when Mîm goes to see the bodies. The Dwarf tries to kill him with his own sword, but Beleg takes it back from him and promises revenge as he runs away. Hmm, so, let’s recap, shall we: Túrin and his gang of outlaws, who no doubt hurt many innocent people, like outlaws are wont to do, attacked a trio of random Dwarves for no reason other than they ran away from them, captured one and killed his son, and then invited to his home the member of a people he specifically told them had caused his so much grief. Are we really supposed to be shocked he didn’t let himself and his surviving son be tortured and killed by Orcs instead of telling on them? And considering how much stupid and terrible behaviour we’re supposed to tolerate from Túrin, why is the fact that he tried to kill Beleg that important? It doesn’t really matter, because it’s time to move on.

Beleg tries to follow the tracks of the Orcs taking Túrin and finds Gwindor, an Elf who had been captured during the Nirnaeth Arnoediad but managed to escape Morgoth’s mines. Unfortunately for everyone involved, he leads him to Túrin. After Beleg accidentally strikes his friend’s foot while breaking the chains that bind him, Túrin wakes up mad and, believing he’s being attacked, takes Beleg’s sword and kills him. Yes, really. Too shocked to move, he just stands there for ages. Luckily, there’s a storm, and Orcs don’t like storms, so he and Gwindor don’t get recaptured. The accidental murder of his best friend is a terrible trauma, the kind of terrible trauma that will never go away… unless you drink from a special lake. And now, it’s time for Túrin to bring his misery to another Elven kingdom, more specifically, Nargothrond. Nargothrond used to be ruled by Finrod Felagund and its inhabitants prefer their fighting to be sneaky rather than epic, which, according to Tolkien, is a bad thing. Túrin goes full Mary Sue now, albeit a brooding one – everyone loves him, including Gwindor’s former sweetheart, Finduilas, the King’s daughter, and he could even pass for an Elf in looks and bearing. After Gwindor reveals his identity to Finduilas to warn her about Morgoth’s curse on Húrin’s family, Túrin becomes even more respected and convinces the Elves of Norgothrond to abandon their sneaky ways, make a bunch of weapons, and build a big bridge. You know, the kind of bridge that won’t be easy to break in case there’s some urgent need to cut access to the kingdom, like say, a massive invading army approaching. Oh, and of course all this newfound boldness draws Morgoth’s attention. This is going exactly where you think it’s going and Túrin’s successes end up bringing ruin to his new friends when Morgoth sends his whole army, including Glaurung, against the kingdom, which they are able to reach thanks to that very strong bridge. Gwindor is mortally wounded, Finduilas is captured, and Glaurung messes with Túrin’s head thanks to his psychic dragon powers and convinces him his mother and sister were enslaved by Orcs. That’s not true, but as far as he knows, it could be because in all this time Túrin never bothered to check up on his family. It’s hard to disagree with Glaurung when he tells him what a shitty son he is. When he gets to his mother’s place, he finds it abandoned. Turns out, she and his sister left years ago and the only person who knows where they went is Aerin, a relative of theirs, who’s married to an Easterling. Instead of just asking her, he threatens her husband for… reasons. She tells him they went to Doriath. Well, that’s nice. Surely, Túrin will be happy to know that his mother and sister are safe and… actually, he loses it and kills Aerin’s husband and his Easterling guests. Yes, the Easterlings had taken over on Morgoth’s orders, but Túrin isn’t liberating anyone – he just loses it, and his own people are happy to see him go. He also takes comfort in knowing that they were able to leave because of his feats against Morgoth’s minions in Norgothrond. Sure, a whole kingdom was destroyed and a whole bunch of people died or was enslaved, but hey, at least Túrin’s family is fine. Who wasn’t so lucky? Finduilas, who was killed by the Orcs when some humans tried to save the Elven prisoners. But now, Túrin has found more people whose lives he can ruin. They’re what’s left of the people of Haleth (remember her?) and are ruled by Brandir, who has a limp and thinks the best way to avoid destruction is secrecy rather than war and doesn’t think Túrin’s arrival bodes well. Naturally, he’ll be proven right as soon as we deal with the other idiots in that family: Morwen and Nienor.

After news reaches Doriath that Túrin was the great warrior fighting in Norgothrond, Morwen leaves to look for her son. Thingol sends people to get her back and Nienor disguises herself as one of the riders in the hopes that she can persuade her mother to return. They don’t, and instead just keep moving forward until Glaurung notices them and scares away the horses. Morwen disappears, but Nienor is left face to face with the dragon who gives her amnesia. Yes, really. Some of Thingol’s men who are still around find her and try to take her back but are attacked by Orcs. Nienor runs away and they can’t find her again. Naturally, she ends up in Brethil. There, she meets Túrin, who’s now going by the name Turambar. He gets taken by her and names her Níniel. They fall in love and get married because apparently Tolkien decided that the only way to make this never-ending, annoying, convoluted story even longer, more annoying, and more convoluted was to add accidental incest. Níniel is already pregnant when Glaurung starts causing trouble nearby. Turambar offers to go after the dragon with a couple of other warriors because in this case a sneak attack is the best option, while everyone else runs away as far as they can. This is probably the smartest Túrin has ever been. Naturally, Níniel ruins everything with her stupidity and goes after him with a bunch of people. You know, those people for whose safety her husband was risking his life for. Whatever, we really don’t care anymore, because this is almost over. Long story short, Turambar manages to mortally wound Glaurung, but the dragon knocks him out. Thinking he’s dead, Brandir tries to get Níniel to leave, but she refuses and goes to her apparently dead husband. With his dying breath, Glaurung tells her the truth and lifts the amnesia spell. Horrified, Níniel kills herself. Brandir returns to his people after randomly killing Dorlas, who had gone with Túrin but had ended up not facing the dragon. We really don’t get why he did this. Yes, Dorlas had mocked him for not wanting to help, but there’s no explanation for this in the text. Brandir tells everyone the truth just as a still alive Túrin shows up. He accuses him of spreading lies and kills him, before running away to Finduilas’s grave. Why? He didn’t seem to be that into her. Then, surprise! some Elves from Doriath show up after the now dead Glaurung. Túrin tells them what happened, and they tell him about his family, which of course confirms Brandir’s story. Finally, Túrin has had enough. Who else has had enough? Gurthang, Eöl’s sword that Beleg chose and with which he was killed by Túrin who has kept it ever since. The sword is eager to receive this idiot’s blood and end everything. Except, even with his last breath, Túrin ruins things, and he ends up breaking it.

This was just bad and the reason writing this review took forever. Of Maeglin was also all gloom and doom, but it was a third, a THIRD of the size of this chapter, and had a great Gothic atmosphere. Here, the only good thing is Glaurung, and the psychic dragon who likes to rest on a big pile of gold isn’t nearly enough to compensate for everything else. Tolkien gives a lot to Túrin – connection to important characters, various skills, a tragic backstory – but somehow it never really comes together to form a compelling characterization. The fact that everyone embraces him, and he ends up thriving everywhere just doesn’t help. Túrin’s conflict is only with himself, but inner conflict needs inner monologue, and we get nothing. And then he just runs around Middle Earth with no real sense of purpose, which was a weird creative choice, considering Morgoth’s curse could easily have given him a much-needed goal. It’s not as if it’s something that happened centuries ago. Of course, there’s another problem. We’re supposed to believe that this curse cast a shadow over Túrin and poisoned his life, but we just can’t see his actions as being a result of it – all we see is an idiot making bad decision after bad decision due to stupidity and pride. The only situation that was truly out of his control was the accidental incest and that needed the direct intervention of Glaurung. This basically means that the Valar can’t even curse someone and their whole family properly. If this failed attempt at a Greek tragedy had featured Greek gods, Túrin would’ve unknowingly married his mother, been fed Beleg by the Orcs, and accidentally killed his father after Morgoth released him.

And next on The Silmarillion: more tragedy. We hate losing Doriath and Thingol, and hope Tolkien didn’t botch it. Also, we can’t wait to find out how Maeglin singlehandedly ruins Gondolin. It has to be his fault, right?